maitri karuna mudita upekshanam sukha duhka punya apunya vishayanam bhavanatah chitta prasadanam
Cultivating proper attitudes with people – friendliness towards those who are happy, kindness to those who are suffering, goodwill towards those who are virtuous and indifference to those who are wicked.
Perhaps the most challenging to cultivate would be the last attitude. How to be nice to someone who is not so nice to us? It is a daunting task and perhaps even a challenge to the ego.
Imagine someone who is mean, rude and loud – this person could be your colleague, your neighbour, your friend or maybe your family members? How can you be indifferent? Practice compassion, with wisdom.
To a stranger – let go and wish him/her well. Perhaps he/she had a bad day. Laugh it off. You will probably not meet one another again. Why carry the burden with you?
To a colleague / neighbour / friend – tell him/her how it is affecting you and make it clear it is the behaviour that is affecting you. Leave it to him/her to decide what should be done.
To a family member – have a good talk without being judgmental, listen and be patient. Sometimes they are unaware that they are behaving inappropriately. That is why we are a family; we need to help one another out.
Most importantly, we should make our intentions clear without expecting immediate change. It takes years to form habits and similarly it will take time for changes to take place. But if we do not make an attempt to make something work, nothing will happen.
Besides, when we share our observations with others, we help them to grow as well. It is human nature to assume ‘they should know’ but really it is our own expectations.
It may seem that we are ‘giving in’ but in actual fact we are helping ourselves to expand our generosity, compassion and wisdom as well. However it does not mean that we become a doormat. If the behaviour is detrimental in the long run, perhaps it is time to let go. Even the world’s best doctor cannot save everyone.
Remember to be kind yourself too.


